A Countdown To Confusion
by Carbuncle
Summary: If Dio is so rich, then how come he can't afford a decent pair of clothes?


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
'A Countdown To Confusion'  
  
"Well, will you do it Cloud?", Barrett asked with a concerned look in his eyes.  
  
"It does sound kinda dangerous. I could get killed, right?", replied Cloud.  
  
"Theres a 75% chance, yeah. But you're highly skilled. I think you can do it!"  
  
"Hmmm... a 25% chance of surviving... if its for Tifa, I'll do anything!", Cloud yelled.  
  
"Would you ever risk your life like this for me, Cloud?", whispered Aeris.  
  
"Depends if there was anything in it for me... like... y'know...", Cloud suggested.  
  
"Cloud! How could you?!", she screamed.  
  
"So you wouldn't buy me any ice-cream? Then the answer is no, I don't think I would risk my life for you."  
  
"Why you little...!", shrieked Aeris angrilly, all the while filling up with rage.  
  
"So Cloud, you gonna do it?", questioned Barrett.  
  
"Yes! Yes I will!"  
  
"Argh!", Aeris yelled as her anger reached boiling point, which caused her to explode from the inside, spraying her organs everywhere.  
  
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris!", screamed Barrett.  
  
"Whose *they*?", asked Cloud.  
  
"Huh?", said a bewildered Barrett.  
  
"They didn't kill her, she exploded from the inside.", Cloud explained.  
  
"Yeah, but you always say *they*.", retorted Barrett.  
  
"It just doesn't make any sense, thats all.", Cloud said.  
  
Tifa had been kidnapped by Dio, the owner of the Gold Saucer, and the party had infiltrated the theme park to rescue her. He had agreed to release her, but only if Cloud could beat the newest attraction at Battle Square, a young member of SOLDIER called Chris.  
  
"Ha ha, my good friend Cloud. Hows it hangin' toughie?", smiled a happy Dio, strutting around in his underwear as usual.  
  
"Shut your yack or I'll snap your undies!", Cloud yelled.  
  
"Oooh, saucy! Well, I assume you want to fight Chris, right?", he asked.  
  
"Yeah, but you better make sure you keep your end of the deal. Is Tifa safe?"  
  
"Of course shes safe! I'm not an animal, I am a human being! I would never do anything to harm someone blessed with so much beauty.", Dio laughed.  
  
"Alright alright! Get your SOLDIER out here! I'm ready to paint my bedroom walls with his blood.", shouted Cloud enthusiastically.  
  
"Oooh, saucy!", smirked Dio.  
  
"Up yo' ass!", mumbled Barrett.  
  
Cloud walked into the battle arena. As he stood with his ultimate weapon, the Ultimate Weapon, he thought about the time he first entered this place, three years ago. Suddenly the opposite doors swung open and a young man stepped forward. He was about 16/17 years old, he had brown hair, green eyes, and he was holding a bad ass sword. He was also wearing the acclaimed SOLDIER uniform.  
  
"Fool...", grumbled the SOLDIER.  
  
"Hey! Less talk and more fawlk!", Cloud whailed.  
  
"WHAT?!", exclaimed the SOLDIER.  
  
"Okay, I wanna good clean fight, lover boys! Lets get it on!", shouted Dio from above.  
  
Cloud and Chris locked swords in combat. The fight was very evenly matched and even though Chris was younger than Cloud, there was no doubt he was a strong fighter.  
  
"C'mon! Fight harder!", Chris taunted.  
  
"No way, you're just a kid!", Cloud replied.  
  
"I may be a kid but I can still kick your ass!", he laughed.  
  
The fight stretched on for several minutes, but eventually Cloud gained a bit of luck with the suprise weakness of his opponent.  
  
"Hey look! Check out the hooters on that broad!", Cloud screamed.  
  
"Where?!", drooled the SOLDIER.  
  
Cloud saw his chance and took it. He slammed his sword into the SOLDIER's and knocked it to the floor. With nothing to defend himself, Chris fell to his feet.  
  
"And the winner is... [insert FFVII battle victory music here] Cloud!", Dio announced.  
  
"Aw, I lost again!", moaned Chris.  
  
"Well, I promised Tifa and here she is.", Dio said happily as Tifa stepped out from behind him. "Oh, and Chris... you're fired."  
  
"Aw, screw this job anyway! For two gil an hour, it was hardly worth it!", Chris grumbled before storming off.  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
